I most definitely have had a woman in my life like this. But she drives the conversation into places I don't want to go. And when I do indulge her, she goes all in (bullshittin) and then goes dark, like we weren't on a train to a straight session, then plays shy. It's a cycle I just kind of ignore.
Like, I wouldn't mind being friends with him. He's a cool person, but all those unhealed wounds plus the way he wants to manipulate friendship into easy access sex is running me low at this point. Not to mention, these last few days have shown me how exhausting he is as a person. It's weird.
I get it. This person does the same thing, because we had a ton of history, and it's never been about anything intimate, until she would bring it up. When she does, my social battery draaaaaaaaaains. I kinda don't want to be her friend.
Over the years, I've dealt with men like this but very briefly each time. Once I saw the patterns, I started cutting them off sooner and sooner. To the point where I started seeing the red flags in their dating app profiles, so I didn't even engage in the first place. I learned there are no exceptions to those red flags; they are always, always, always harbingers of bullshit. I don't do second chances after a dealbreaker has been broken. I stopped letting men waste my time. Not even the seconds it takes to text. I've never had one say "please leave me alone," but if I did, he would be blocked everywhere including my phone immediately and would never hear from me again. The audacity lol
I'm curious why you see friend potential in this person. As you so rightly told him, friendships require things of us just as romantic relationships do, and I can't imagine what he has to offer that isn't outweighed by the massive amounts on nonsense he schleps around with him. He sounds like a terrible friend.
I was going to say "it's complicated," but it's really not. I've known him for over 20 years, and he's gotten a pass thus far because of the friendship that preceded all of this, but girl, I'm over it at this point, and writing this all out sealed it for me.
"I've known him for 20 years and I've given him a pass this far because of the friendship that preceded this..."
WHEW.
I recently tapped out of a "friendship" like this, where I let a lot of things slide because of the 20-plus-year relationship. Things I knew were shady but I guess I was that desperate for a friend.
Then I remember Nina's final words to Marvin in Love Jones: "All we have, Marvin, is 'all these years' "
I was married to a terrible, abusive person for 8 years; we were together for 11 years total. I took reading something in a book for me to finally bounce. And it was like once I read it, I couldn't stand being with him another second.
I'm telling you! Writing this all out and reading it back to myself really cemented how crazy *I* look in this situation. It's well past time to close that door.
I can relate to so much of this, from the exhaustion that comes from dating fellow creatives to dealing with someone who is hell bent on being messy in every aspect of their life to how writing it all out brings clarity and resolution. Here's to setting and maintaining boundaries even when it's hard.
I’ve definitely had conversations and issues like this with guys, whether it was romantic, platonic, or familial. It’s tiring and annoying fr. Like I know what I’m saying and what actually happened but he’s taking it to a whole other level… and for what!
I most definitely have had a woman in my life like this. But she drives the conversation into places I don't want to go. And when I do indulge her, she goes all in (bullshittin) and then goes dark, like we weren't on a train to a straight session, then plays shy. It's a cycle I just kind of ignore.
Like, I wouldn't mind being friends with him. He's a cool person, but all those unhealed wounds plus the way he wants to manipulate friendship into easy access sex is running me low at this point. Not to mention, these last few days have shown me how exhausting he is as a person. It's weird.
I get it. This person does the same thing, because we had a ton of history, and it's never been about anything intimate, until she would bring it up. When she does, my social battery draaaaaaaaaains. I kinda don't want to be her friend.
I’m starting to feel the same if I’m being completely honest.
Lmao I audibly groan when she messages me, even with reels
Over the years, I've dealt with men like this but very briefly each time. Once I saw the patterns, I started cutting them off sooner and sooner. To the point where I started seeing the red flags in their dating app profiles, so I didn't even engage in the first place. I learned there are no exceptions to those red flags; they are always, always, always harbingers of bullshit. I don't do second chances after a dealbreaker has been broken. I stopped letting men waste my time. Not even the seconds it takes to text. I've never had one say "please leave me alone," but if I did, he would be blocked everywhere including my phone immediately and would never hear from me again. The audacity lol
I'm curious why you see friend potential in this person. As you so rightly told him, friendships require things of us just as romantic relationships do, and I can't imagine what he has to offer that isn't outweighed by the massive amounts on nonsense he schleps around with him. He sounds like a terrible friend.
I was going to say "it's complicated," but it's really not. I've known him for over 20 years, and he's gotten a pass thus far because of the friendship that preceded all of this, but girl, I'm over it at this point, and writing this all out sealed it for me.
"I've known him for 20 years and I've given him a pass this far because of the friendship that preceded this..."
WHEW.
I recently tapped out of a "friendship" like this, where I let a lot of things slide because of the 20-plus-year relationship. Things I knew were shady but I guess I was that desperate for a friend.
Then I remember Nina's final words to Marvin in Love Jones: "All we have, Marvin, is 'all these years' "
Yeah, I've reached the point of cutting him off. It's too exhausting and draining.
I was married to a terrible, abusive person for 8 years; we were together for 11 years total. I took reading something in a book for me to finally bounce. And it was like once I read it, I couldn't stand being with him another second.
I'm telling you! Writing this all out and reading it back to myself really cemented how crazy *I* look in this situation. It's well past time to close that door.
I can relate to so much of this, from the exhaustion that comes from dating fellow creatives to dealing with someone who is hell bent on being messy in every aspect of their life to how writing it all out brings clarity and resolution. Here's to setting and maintaining boundaries even when it's hard.
I’ve definitely had conversations and issues like this with guys, whether it was romantic, platonic, or familial. It’s tiring and annoying fr. Like I know what I’m saying and what actually happened but he’s taking it to a whole other level… and for what!
They do it to gaslight us and try to make us feel like we are doing something wrong so they can avoid accountability for their actions.
Yes! It’s such a mindwarp.
He’ll be back in 4-6 weeks 😃 He can’t get you out of his system after 20 years of friendship
I'm guessing it will be sooner than that.
No they are not ok.
At all.